Friday, August 1, 2008

Do not try this at home. . .

Have you ever experienced the "not so present" feeling. You are so deep in thought about something at the same time that you are driving or grooming that you are going through the motions, but not quite present to the action. I experienced this (again) last night. I was getting ready for bed and something was not right. I want to make a list of things not to do while grooming (from personal experience).

1. Nail polish remover does not work as well as toner. You will notice a strange odor and your face will feel extremely dry.

2. Body lotion does not make a good conditioner. While I was in Cabo on vacation, I thought that the hotel offered the WORST conditioner EVER. It rinsed out squeaky and didn't condition at all. It wasn't until the second time using it that I realized it wasn't bad Mexican conditioner, it was me.

3. You've heard that putting egg whites into your hair adds protein and shine, right? Make sure you don't rinse it out with warm water or you will boil the egg in your hair. It takes a couple of washes to get out boiled egg white in hair!!!!

And for my most recent experience:
4. As well as Neosporin works on cuts and bruises it makes a horrible toothpaste. I was brushing my teeth wondering why there was no minty freshness in my mouth. At first I was worried that I lost all sensation and taste. Luckily, I still have taste and any cuts or bruises around my teeth have been properly cared for. Just in case you're wondering how I could mix up neosporin and toothpaste, I am using a toothpaste from that dentist that is just a little bit bigger than a tube of neosporin.

From a friend: Mascara does not make a good lip gloss (unless you happen to be goth). This particular friend sings every Sunday in front of the congregation in a band at her church. This would not have been a good look for her.

I would love to hear any of your stories. . . or am I the only one that does this????


Anonymous said...

I love your stories!! :) I for one am glad to have been warned of these things to avoid while grooming. As busy as I am lately, I have been increasing my multi tasking behaviors. The neosporin one sounds particularly yucky!!

Rita said...

That was hillarious. I promise you are not alone. Not to be biased, but I believe everyone who has been pregnant or has kids has gone through this absent-mindedness. I do it in the kitchen all the time. The other day I was putting the leftovers in tupperware and instead of putting it in the fridge I put it in the Tupperware drawer to rot. I also came home from a grocery store one day and the first thing I did was stick the ice-cream into the microwave and then set it to 3 minutes! :o I think both times I was talking on the phone.

Tasha said...

I have done the lotion for conditioner thing before too(and not just once). I haven't ever tried the Neosporin toothpaste are hilarious. I just pictured you doing it and couldn't stop smiling.

Ann Marie said...

Cute stories Jess!!! I always knew you were intellectual - but MAN you must be having some really deep and profound thoughts! Either that, or you need to get some more sleep! :-) Love ya!

Nataluscious said...

I laughed out loud that your mind immediately went to the idea you MUST have lost all taste and sensation in your mouth (not that you, perchance, used the wrong toothpaste) :). I for one can attest to the fact that you can't use the die as the playing piece in trivial pursuit while you try over and over to roll the playing piece. It really hampers your ability to seem intelligent during a game where brains really matter.